Miracles and angels...

This is a detail of the angel that sits below Our Lady of Guadalupe supporting her, supposedly reflecting the face of Juan Diego, or at least his resemblance. In this very short entry, I am simply announcing that I have happily received funding for the Life Icon Project.  We all need our angels, and God has sent one to me to support this effort and undertaking.  I am deeply grateful, and although I do not yet know where she will end up when complete, that becomes an intrinsic part of the wonder of the unfolding of process--of approaching the unknown in faith.  St. Bernard's has declined having her in its arms, and so time will tell. I am fully encouraged that she will have her perfect home, so now I wait as the icon board is being made by my neighbor, a master carpenter.  I am gathering supplies, and will soon return to elaborate on the journey that has just begun.  My heart is full.

    

Patience and perseverence

And so it goes.  The beauty and immediacy of the project have been on hold.  I must wait.  The time is incubating to move forward, but the door has yet to be opened.
I have now spoken to Father Dan, who has given me hope, although as with all things it must be approached the right way.  The statue that is currently in the location that I am proposing was gifted, and would need to find a rightful new and worthy place to be housed.  Or as Father Paul had suggested, perhaps we could also find another spot for the icon.  I am fully convinced that Our Lady wants to be in the specific spot I have proposed in the main church.  Most other places are transitory spaces, which people walk through and would not necessarily stop to meditate with an icon, or at least to allow her to speak in her radiance to the heart.  So it goes.  I will try to remain open and not lose hope.
So within these parameters awaits a desire to become, to incarnate, to make flesh with line and color and brush. I will be patient, but I am accountable for carrying through that which was placed on my heart.

And I meditate upon the fields of St. Joseph's Abbey--a Trappist monastery in Spencer, Mass., where I recently had a most beautiful weekend retreat of silence and prayerful meditation. There was a sense of spiritual cleansing even in the trees.  The soil too giving praise to God.  And the monks singing in Gregorian Chant the Beauty of the Lord.  Be still.  Wait.  Pray. 

The Transfer of Our Lady of Guadalupe...

Saturday, Feb. 26, 2011
I am stilled. This process of transfer has been already a very intimate and beautiful experience with Our Lady, and bringing newness to her presence here, now.
High on the wall in my dining room, next to my song birds and my first icon of St. Paul that interestingly enough, looks at her from an adjacent wall.
So interesting how the simple fluid act of taking pencil to paper can be a total education in meaning and purpose to image--every fold, ray, shadow, formation, emotive shift of  bodily gesture has specific purpose.  So concrete, yet so subtle.
And harder than I thought with the difficulties of photo clarity to even see what is before me,
and my back which was severely pulled which physically makes it a harder challenge
(not to mention my dear smallest children who think jumping on the floorboards is funny so they can see Mary dance)--but slowly she emerges.
As the hand travels and sculpts this form I know that I am nothing, that I am ignorant, that I am poor, that I am simple, that I am still being formed in this iconographic journey, and am perhaps overstepping my place:
I am no master.
And I hear my earthly master and teacher dear Ksenia saying to me:
"How can you expect to play Mozart or Chopin when you are still practicing the scales?"
Am I the disobedient student to my mentor who is slowly, steadily building a strong foundation?
But here I have to pause. No. This is not personal ambition, this is a long-standing deep-seated desire.
Ever since I entered into iconography moving on five years of study now, this project has been with me. There is not a single Sunday nor trip to St. Bernard's that I don't see her there in my visualized eye, and she hovers continually in the projected possibility of being realized, should I be able to fulfill this undertaking.
I am certain Our Lady can help me to learn as well, and teach me in humility to serve her through my brush, my hand, and take this on as a special formative theological and technical lesson to experience.
Perhaps in the action of that fulfillment, I will be able to remain faithful to the Holy Spirit and unfurl substantial  growth from the seeds that have been planted in my journey as an iconographer as a gift to lay at the feet of Mary, to the Church, to her people, and ultimately to the One whom she bears, Christ himself.
The urgency of hastening to this call is peaking.
The pencil in hand does me good.
Our Lady painted that tilma of Juan Diego's herself.
In our sharing of the beauty of motherhood, it is right and good to be here now in this moment.
Yes.
Please pray for my efforts.
May they bear fruit,
and may Mary dance.

Our Lady speaks...

"Let not your heart be disturbed. 

Do not fear that sickness, nor any other sickness or anguish.

 Am I not here, who am your Mother?

 Are you not under my protection? 

Am I not your health?

 Are you not happily within my fold?

 What else do you wish? 

Do not grieve nor be disturbed by anything." 

(Words of Our Lady to Juan Diego)

Beginning this journey to illumine this miraculous image through my hands...

I am overwhelmed.  I have undertaken what is a heart-felt ambition to make manifest a true iconographic copy of Our Lady of Guadeloupe.  I have lived interiorly with this desire for a long while now, and my sincere hopes is that through the mercy of God and the intercession of Our Most Pure and Beautiful Lady, that this will be allowed. I cannot do it alone, but need the help of the Church and the Faithful to help grant the means to opening this door.
So I sit here in the middle of  my initial foundational step in the process to being heard for this project and hopefully eventually being allowed to iconographically undertake a true copy (to the best of my humble ability) of this miraculous image of Our Lady of Guadeloupe.
So here she is, currently projected on the wall in my dining room.  I have been moved in the simple gesture of drawing over the hovering light the contour lines which in and of themselves are most pure and beautiful.  It seems as if the lines are singing.  Even these lines which perplex seem to have a definite purpose and meaning. 
Emma and Soren (my 4-yr. old daughter and 2 yr. old son) were so excited this morning when I cast the light on the wall in the early morning.  "It's MARY momma!" And so it is.  I don't want to turn the light of the projector off.  Even my birds in their cage adjacent were very musical and excited.
I don't know at this point after an initial conversation with Father Paul at St. Bernard's Church in Keene, NH if this will even get green-lighted.  The whole notion of church beautification is a complex one, in a mindset that there is always something else that in the active work of the Church is perhaps more deserving.  But Beauty speaks.  And Our Lady wants us in our brokenness to come to her and to her son. 
Even all these small centrifical lines of measurement from the overhead projector illumine Christ in her womb.  Most fitting that this cast-wall image is totally centered and in focus when her womb is the centerpoint of it all.
She is so beautiful in her pregnancy, carrying the Savior of The World.     
And so I simply wanted to mark this initial step.
My hope drawn on pieced paper.
My Hope.
This whole journey I want to dccument through word and photograph.
If anyone even reads this, please pray for a happy acceptance of this project.
I am going to mount the entire proposal on my website for anyone interested:
http://www.iconeyestudio.com
I would like to see her placed in the niche to the left of the altar where there is currently a statue of her.
I am convinced that Mary wants to shine luminous to the Church in her radiance and beauty--through this particular image.
May I have the humble hands to carry forth the task.
I am simple and poor.
I am a firm believer in miracles.

The Litany of Loreto: 
Kyrie eleison, Christie elesion, Mater divinae gratiae, Mater purissima,
mater castissima, ora pro nobis. 
Pray for us!
Holy mary, Holy mother of God, Holy Virgin of virgins, Mother of divine grace, Mother most amiable, Mother most admirable, Mother of good counsel, Mother of Golgotha, surrounded by the sun, crowned with stars, Virgin most powerful, Virgin most merciful.
Mirror of justice, Seat of wisdom, Vessel of honor, Mystical Rose, Tower of David, Tower of ivory,
House of Gold, Ark of the covenant, Gate of heaven, Morning Star,  Health of the sick, 
Refuge of sinners, comforter of the afflicted, Help of Christians, Queen of Angels, Queen of patriarchs, Queen of prophets, Queen of apostles, Queen of martyrs, Queen of all saints, Queen assumed into heaven, You, Queen of teh most holy rosary, Queen of families, Queen of peace, 
Queen of the heavenly Jerusalem....
Pray for us, pray for us, pray for us.....